Here begins a new era of things on The Wibble.

When I say “new” though, I do of course mean “not new at all, but not actually just quietly recycling old things from the late 1990s by smartening them up a bit and hoping the approximately three readers of this site don’t notice that they’ve been conned by some shiny colours into believing that what they are seeing with their eyes is new and exciting when actually it’s a bit lazy and space-filling.”

Reviews. I was thinking about adding some reviews to the site, but what to review?

The internet is full of reviews sites, so what could I add to the mix? I don’t watch a lot of films, and I don’t play a lot of games. I’ve got a huge backlog of books to read, but I don’t often buy books that are newly released, so you’ve probably read them before me. I’ll still probably review them though.

Here’s a review of tonight’s weather then.

I’ve been on a bit of a health kick recently, chums. Laziness and an office job had resulted in my 6’1” frame supporting almost sixteen stones of weight at one point, and trouser purchasing had become occasionally embarrassing. Asking for a pair of trousers of a waist exceeding thirty-four inches had on one occasion resulted in the staff member returning from the storeroom suggesting the ones he had may fit as they were “the biggest in stock.” Clearly decisive action was needed.

Six months later, a weight loss regime was embarked upon. I would eat healthier, and do more exercise. This exercise largely involved walking more often, and walking longer distances, and as a result, I have lost a significant amount of weight. Hurrah!

Tonight I was going to go for a long walk around the park and back; my iPod was ready and set to play an archived Adam & Joe podcast, and I was looking forward to it. Sadly however, it was raining. It had been raining for most of the day as well, but only a light drizzle, so I assumed it would be safe to step out in.

On opening the door however, a world of torrential rain was revealed. I wasn’t disheartened, though; I simply made sure the zip of my coat was as far up as it would go, and stepped out.

I think in all honesty that this may have been a mistake; within twenty metres of my front door, I was drenched. Again though, I didn’t give up.

The thing about A Pleasant Walk is that it’s fairly addictive; it doesn’t take a lot of effort, and it’s properly refreshing. It also seems that it had switched off the logical section of my brain as I continued walking.

I approached the park as is my normal route, and realised that things were not going well as I was now walking through puddles of two inches deep or more on concrete. Clearly the park was out of the question, lest I sink into the mud and end up stuck in a muddy pit until the rain stopped, and the ground dried.

An alternative route was needed, but now I was almost unable to see; my glasses covered with rainwater, and the liquefied remains of the small amount of hair product I use was mixing with the water in order to ensure the lenses developed a wet, grey, greasy film designed to make me stumble through every single puddle, through every single gutter and probably every single dog dirt on the way.

I turned around, and returned home. I lost approximately no weight on that particular walk, and indeed took on board a significant amount of water weight.

In all, it wasn’t a good walk. I’d suggest that unless really in need of a walk, you steer well clear of them in the above circumstances and probably get on the exercise bike that’s currently holding up a pair of trousers and a spare shirt.

FAXBOX
Effort Expended:
Had to leave the house, but returned fairly quickly.
42%
Visuals:
Pitch black at first, then made worse by a wet, greasy film.
35%
Sound:
Road noise, along with the pleasing noise of heavy rain hitting the streets.
64%
Addictiveness:
Wouldn’t try it again without an umbrella or unless entirely essential.
27%
Overall:
A thoroughly unrewarding experience.
42%